According to psychologists on
youth and identity, more and more people get into identity problems or crisis
because of the demand for flexibility on your identity. Many people ask
you have you figured out university yet? Have you got a family yet? Or other
questions alike. What is the point? Is it really fair to be asking these
questions? I know that many people use these phrases as icebreakers, me
included. That doesn't make the question more irrelevant in fact it is the
opposite.
We are all different people
and we respond and act differently to the given situations. Therefor am I
solely speaking from my point of view.
When you ask the questions as
above, you put a great amount of expectations on another person’s shoulders. By
expectations I mean, expectations to do great in life and reach out for your
opportunities. But just by saying 'great', we all have different
interpretations of great. By doing great, is that a successful career, a loving
family or maybe even both?
Let us have an example. A
hardworking dad of 36 is juggling both career and a lovely family. He loves
life as it is. Though this man repeatedly gets asked the following question:
when are you going to get married? This lovely man and his girlfriend doesn't
believe in marriage and don't want to have a wedding or anything alike. They
have seen it destroy so many couples, that they have lost faith in the meaning
of marriage. He can't help feeling the pressure from his friends and family,
even though they have his best interests at heart. The expectations
continuously increase from family and friends, even at work expectations are
crawling around the corner.
One day he realised how he was
fed up with listening to other people's opinion on what he should do at work or
how he should live his life. He started giving small hints that he wasn't the
same person anymore. Sounds more dramatic than it was, but he started to not
laugh at his co-workers jokes as he usually did and he started eating lunch on
his own outside of work. These small hints that he didn't do intentionally, but
realised that he had been doing for weeks, nobody noticed them though.
Sure people asked about how he was doing, but when he said fine they ran
away; as if they were avoiding the topic, but still wanted to be a good enough
person to notice something's up. He went on for several weeks without anyone
noticing and it slowly grew to be his new identity. A non-motivating sales
director, struggling to focus, struggling to make new contacts or friends and
in general struggle with any type of social life.
This entire time, all he has
thought about was: I am not good enough, I never will be and why has no one
reached out to me yet?
This is an extreme example of
how important it is, to not only be there for your friends and family and push
them to edge, but be nice them and lower your expectations once in a while.
Though it is not only other people's expectations that are important to
decrease. Your own expectation can work just as badly against you as the
expectations from others.
What I want to express is that
no matter what your plans are for now or later on in the future, try and take
it slow. I am sure that you will have time to do what you wish to do. It might
not happen today or tomorrow, but if you want it badly enough it will happen in
this lifetime.
In hopes of anyone reading
this far, I now challenge you to go an entire day amongst people not expressing
any higher expectation for them or about them. Just for one single day.
Peace out,
Marie-Louise xx
